Estimated reading time: 6m 21s.
Action film The Beekeeper starring Jason Statham has just been released in cinemas.
It’s the latest addition to the beleaguered trend of:
“Innocuous Job Title Man Isn’t That Thing at All — He’s an Ex-Assassin!”
Other recent entrants include:
The Gardener (2021)
The Accountant (2016)
The Bricklayer (2023)
All I want to know is when is The Digital Advertising Sales Executive coming out and where can I audition?
Time for some reviews!
This week: Delusion, confusion, intrusion, and Elvis.
🌙 Rebel, rebel, your film is a mess.
Rebel Moon – Part One: A Child of Fire (2023), film, directed by Zack Snyder.
Surely…
Surely…
We can now all agree that Zach Snyder is not a good filmmaker.
Great at action scenes? Undoubtedly.
Knows his way around a slo-mo? You beeeettttttttccccchaaaaaaaaa. 🕒
Actually good at making coherent, enjoyable films?
No.
Rebel Moon is a sci-fi “epic” that is unoriginal, unexciting and virtually unwatchable.
The fault lies almost entirely with the script.
Saying Rebel Moon was “inspired” by Star Wars is like saying cover band Mack Fleetwood were “inspired” by Fleetwood Mac. They are the exact same thing.
Snyder’s supposed magnum opus is so derivative of more famous, better films that you can have an enjoyable AND easy game of “guess the rip-off” in almost every scene.
We’re subjected to more inane cutaways and flashbacks than an episode of Family Guy. Add unconvincing performances + nauseating dialogue and you have one steaming hot pile of garbage.
“But it looks so good!” — every Snyder fanboy.
That’s not enough. Bad, bad movie.
Bad movie!
Naughty, naughty movie!
Look out for:
There’s some light influence from a few niche sources: Star Wars, Dune, Avatar, Harry Potter, Blade Runner, Star Wars, Seven Samurai, Warhammer 40k, Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Blade Runner 2049 and cult 70s franchise Star Wars.
If you liked this:
I so wanted Rebel Moon to be good, but it’s even worse than the biggest sci-fi disappointment of the 2010s, the Wachowskis’ Jupiter Ascending. To cleanse the pallet, watch Sam Rockwell in Moon — a high-impact, low-budget sci-fi great.
Ratings: ⭐
🐦 Dafuq just happened?
The Boy and the Heron (2023), film, directed by Hayao Miyazaki.
?????
?????????????????????
?????????????????????????????????????????????
Either this movie is normal and I’m completely insane, or I’m normal and this movie is completely insane. One of those two things is true.
The Boy and the Heron is so unbelievably off-the-wall that my brain was physically sore about an hour in. Like I had a headache and was squinting at the screen, trying to understand who the fuck is the Parakeet King and did that boy just become his own granny.
The Boy and the Heron does have its own influences, notably The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, and follows a similar formula of “young protagonist enters secret fantasy world” of previous Studio Ghibli films.
But my god is it unique.
It’s hard to even review this because I genuinely have no idea what happened. There’s a young boy in post-war Japan who finds a tower, enters the tower, and then logic and reality are crumpled into a ball and set on fire.
The animation is truly amazing, and I’d imagine that smarter people than me will find some incredible metaphor and meaning to proceedings.
All I learned is that sometimes subtitles actually confuse you further.
Look out for:
The English dub cast is amazing — Robert Pattinson, Christian Bale, Florence Pugh among others. I saw it with the Japanese voice cast + English subtitles, which I probably would not recommend.
If you liked this:
Blue Eye Samurai is also set in period Japan (in this case 17th century) and is also animated (in this case by a Western studio) but is a lot easier to follow. Modern, gripping, innovative, violent — it’s a new standard for serialised animated storytelling.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
⚖️ Oopsie-daisy.
Anatomy of a Fall (2023), film, directed by Justine Triet.
Stairs are so dangerous and no one ever talks about it.
If you fall down them you could die!
Even worse is the Tube platform: there’s this crazy fast, long beast of metal that hurtles by right in front of your face and everyone is completely fine with that?
No more stairs!!
No more the Tube!!
Stairs are not actually involved in Anatomy of a Fall, but a deadly tumble very much is.
In a snowcapped Alpen village, German writer Sandra lives with her French husband Samuel and their blind son Daniel. When Samuel takes a fatal tumble from an open window in their isolated home, Sandra is at the center of a frenzied public murder trial.
Much hyped, Anatomy of a Fall delivers in every respect. Moody and atmospheric while still having room for humour, it’s both a smart satire of French bureaucracy and a very competent murder (🤔?) mystery.
Led by an impressive pair in Sandra Hüller as, erm, Sandra and the outstanding 13-year-old Milo Machado Graner as Daniel, anything other than a Best International Film win at the Oscars would be a serious upset.
Look out for:
We don’t actually see the recently departed Samuel until a flashback later in the film. This particular scene is the best in Anatomy of a Fall: captivating, realistic, and stunningly acted.
If you liked this:
Like courtroom dramas? Enjoy listening to French? One of the best police/crime/courtroom dramas I have ever seen is the French series Spiral (French: Engrenages). The first three seasons in particular are magnifique. 👌
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
⏩ Quickies
Short and snappy reviews for a short and snappy time:
Priscilla (2023, film, dir. Sophia Coppola): ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Could an Elvis film with no Elvis music be better than the film Elvis? Sophia Copolla gives us a deft portrayal of the relationship between the most famous man in the world and a 14-year-old girl, whom he eventually marries when she is 22.
Blue Valentine (2010, film, dir. Derek Cianfrance): ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
Ryan Gosling’s early filmography is more stacked than diner pancakes! He is in so many gems released between 2006 and 2012, of which Blue Valentine is probably the best. This demise of a relationship told with a time-jumping narrative is beautiful and heart-wrenching. Also randomly includes the below very dark, quite iconic scene.
The Last Letter from Your Lover (2021, film, dir. Augustine Frizzell): ⭐⭐
This was mostly interesting to me because it prominently features Taylor Swift’s ex-bf Joe Alwyn, and I love Taylor Swift. I didn’t love The Last Letter from Your Lover. Question: What is the last letter that Joe received from Taylor? Answer: X!! 🤣 (do you get it)
How to Have Sex (2023, film, dir. Molly Manning Walker): ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Nominated for three BAFTAs, How to Have Sex is a much more uncomfortable watch than Saltburn, and infinitely more realistic. This coming-of-age tale meanders along through comedic and sweet moments, hints of dread, before a brutal third act that pulls zero punches. Challenging, necessary, brilliant.
📃 Quote of the Week(s)
Elvis: “Have I lost you to another man?”
Priscilla: “You’re losing me to a life of my own.”
Chills, Priscilla babe, chills!! YOU GO OUT THERE AND YOU LIVE YOUR LIFE!!!
✅ Th-th-that’s all, folks.
Thank you very much for reading! ❤️
If you enjoyed this edition, I would appreciate so much if you could share it. 🙏🏻
Thank you v much again, and see you next time!
Gogzibear
xxx
📅 Previous Reels:
🎬 Dec 6 - Killers of the Flower Moon, Napoleon, Saltburn, Bottoms.
🎬 Sep 20 - Barbie, Oppenheimer, John Wick 4, Extraction 2, Top Boy.
🎬 Apr 27 - Rye Lane, All Quiet on the Western Front, Ant-Man & The Wasp.
📒 Catalogue:
You can find a list of all film review scores (and opening movie lines!) here.
🎙️ Podcast:
I’ve also published 10 episodes of a film review podcast Movies (And A Rap) — you can listen on Spotify here.