🎬 "They're not gonna call..."

Kramer vs. Kramer (1979). Welcome to the 30th edition of The Reel!

Mar 30, 2022

Estimated reading time: 5m 37s.

I thought getting 5/6 on Wordle would be the most distressing thing I’d see on Monday morning.

(Side note: if you know what “epoxy” means you’re either my Dad or you need to get out more.)

Will Smith’s actual slap at the Oscars will surely go down as one of the most outrageous pop culture moments of our time.

Fresh Prince of Bel-*Ouch*, am I right?? Everybody *Slaps* Chris, get it? *Slap*agascar? The Pursuit of *Slap*pyness? Men In *Slap*? I could go on.

It eclipses even “Wagatha Christie” for sheer entertainment value (though Will & Chris are slightly more A-list than Coleen and Rebekah), and recalls Abby & Lisa’s similarly high-profile exchange on the similarly high-profile X Factor UK:

I find it difficult to re-watch the Smith/Rock incident. This audition, however, I have watched *well* over a hundred times.

Of course, there is a serious side to this sensational story. It feels almost redundant to write this, but you actually can’t just hit people? Irrespective of words exchanged (especially when it’s literally that person’s job to jibe and rile).

That said, I’m not saying I agree with him, but if anyone slagged my (imaginary) wife for, say, her immense fortune, or royal heritage, or athletic build, or jetpack collection, I don’t know what I’d do.

Time for some reviews!

This week: Oscar winners, losers, sinners and bruisers.

🐾 I choose Dog Power, in defence mode.

The Power of the Dog (2021), film, directed by Jane Campion.

I have a fantasy I sometimes play out in my head of meeting Benedict Cumberbatch in person and just saying: “Benedict Cumberbatch? More like Benedict Cumberbitch.”

I don’t know why, because I actually quite like him as an actor and he seems like a lovely man.

But some opportunities are too good to pass up.

Very accurate to what I assume his reaction would be.

Cumberbitch-I mean-batch is the star of the show in the excellent The Power of The Dog. Pipped to the Best Picture post by this year’s winner CODA, this western drama won Best Director for Jane Campion, and stood a very good chance at Best Adapted Screenplay and Best Actor for Cumberbatch-I mean-bitch-wait no-batch.

Cumbo and Jesse Plemons play brothers in charge of a ranch; their complex relationship is strained further with the introduction of Kirsten Dunst as love interest Rose, and her son Peter (played by Kodi Smit-McPhee).

“Well, Mary, I can’t quite be sure, but I think there’s a man over there eating his own leg.”

A slow burner, it’s not until Peter’s introduction that the film finds its emotional core, and its intentions are slowly revealed. Slightly heavy-handed at times and overly subtle at others, The Power of the Dog is not perfect, but it’s a very very good little boy yes it is, who’s a good boy? Who’s a good boy? Good boyyyy.

Look out for:

Jesse Plemons and Kirsten Dunst are married in real life, and, just like in the excellent Fargo Season 2, their chemistry is palpable. George and Rose’s relationship is as sweet as it is fragile; a particularly tender sequence involving dancing in the mountains moved this reviewer greatly. 😥

If you liked this:

Smit-McPhee stars in the painfully overlooked 2015 western Slow West, alongside Michael Fassbender (c’mon Ireland) and Reel favourite/consummate villain Ben Mendehlson. Lively and engaging in a genre where it’s difficult to feel fresh.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐

✝️ Wife of a Preacher Man.

The Eyes of Tammy Faye (2021), film, directed by Michael Showalter.

Behind every great man, as they say, is a great woman.

As heteronormative as that sounds today, certainly does it ring true for Jim Bakker and Tammy Faye, the subjects of this by-the-numbers biopic.

Boujee in bed, more power to ya Tammy! Was it a late one last night Tammy? Good woman! No stopping ya Tammy.

Jessica Chastain deservedly won Best Actress for what looked like a stressful performance as televangelist Faye, who rises from obscurity and religion to fame, riches and… more religion, alongside her husband Bakker (played ably by Andrew Garfield).

The Eyes of Tammy Faye is a little too effective in chronicling this journey — it is mostly just a sequence of events, terrifically acted and competently assembled. There is huge potential with this story, but probing questions around its interesting themes are lacking.

Rebecca Black hitting the “which seat can I taaake” line in her seminal 2011 hit “Friday”.

Is it bad that I was actually quite compelled by the clips of their sermons?

Bring some of that into the Catholic Church, I say!

Entertain the people! Get those bums on seats!

Or at least somebody slap someone, for goodness’ sake.

The Eyes of Tammy Faye is a good watch, but the snub for Best Picture nomination makes sense.

Look out for:

Oh my transformation! It must be difficult to have facial prosthetics on your actors that you don’t want noticed, while the characters they play wear distinctly garish makeup. Chastain and Garfield are never less than believable throughout, which is testament to the 👌 hair & makeup design.

If you liked this:

The Righteous Gemstones takes a comedic approach to the topic of televangelism, but preachers in general have long been cinematic fodder (in a mostly morally questionable capacity). Check out Robert Pattinson in 2020’s The Devil All the Time for a recent example of sinister sermon-sellers.

Ratings: ⭐⭐⭐

⏩ Quickies

Short and snappy reviews for a short and snappy time:

The Lost Daughter (2021, film, dir. Maggie Gyllenhaal): ⭐⭐⭐

Olivia Colman is seen by some as Britain’s Meryl Streep, but let me point out that she has less Oscar nominations (3) than our own Saoirse Ronan (4), let alone Meryl (21!). This film is gripping at times and a fascinating meditation on motherhood, but the ultimately aimless plot and low stakes fail it in the end.

“You can’t put your towel on the sun lounger at 9am and then leave for the day, that’s bad etiquette! No, fuck **you**!”

Licorice Pizza (2021, film, dir. Paul Thomas Anderson): ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Oh how this flirts with five stars! I know how you must covet that rating from The Reel, celebrated filmmaker Paul Thomas Anderson, but better luck next time! Customary humour and drama from one of Hollywood’s greatest talents, but slightly shy of his brilliant best.

Are those golf clubs? If so, this is a type of golf I can get behind.

Red Notice (2021, film, dir. Rawson Marshall Thurber): ⭐⭐

You would be forgiven for not remembering this Netflix action comedy from late last year, starring Gal Gadot and Ryan Reynolds. Intensely forgettable, despite starring the most beautiful movie star in the world. And Gal Gadot’s not bad either! 😜

📃 Quote of the Week(s)

Jon Peters: “How big is your penis hole?”
Gary Valentine: “... normal-sized?”
Jon Peters: “How do you know that?”

Jon Peters, notoriously eccentric and aggressive producer, is played with aplomb by Bradley Cooper in Licorice Pizza. Filmmaker/comedian Kevin Smith has an amazing routine about Jon Peters’ attempts to make a Superman film in the late 90s — watch it here.