Who am I? You sure you wanna know?
Welcome to the 11th edition of The Reel!
Estimated reading time: 7 mins 22 seconds.
My most embarrassing moment regarding film happened in 2017.
The great Martin Scorsese was coming to my university to give a talk to one of those societies that no one cares about until these very moments. The Hil or the Phist or something.
Yes, the Martin Scorsese. The man who gave us such classic lines as:
“You talkin’ to me?” - Taxi Driver
and
“All my life, I wanted to be a gangster.” - Goodfellas
and
“F*ck” 506 times - The Wolf of Wall Street
ABOVE: That man’s eyebrows hold all the secrets in Hollywood.
I queued up for several hours, and discovered that we would be given the opportunity to ask Marty questions at the end.
I, luckily, was chosen. When the time came, they handed me the microphone.
The hall fell silent. Marty was waiting.
What I meant to say next was something along the lines of:
“You’ve made films in many different genres. Do you actively decide ahead of time what genre you’ll foray into next, or is it just a case of right script, right time? If the latter, what is it you look for in a script that decides it for you?”
What I actually then said was very similar to this:
I stuttered out a completely incomprehensible question that had something to do with scripts.
I was, of course, asked to repeat my unintelligible utterance, and my second attempt to do so went something like this:
Marty, understandably, was clueless. The mediator tried to paraphrase my admittedly unparaphrasable question, and just asked:
“How do you choose your scripts?”
I don’t even remember Marty’s reply, the shame of my verbal diarrhoea causing me to go temporarily blind and also to do a very small, very powerful fart.
They say don’t meet your heroes. I say, don’t let your heroes meet you.
Oh well. The Irishman was crap anyway.
Time for some reviews!
This week: Flirty-somethings, small town tensions, and the army in space.
💔 Not that into it.
He’s Just Not That Into You (2009), film, directed by Ken Kwapis.
I love romcoms as much as the next person. In fact, probably more than the next person. For this reason, I give every well-meaning Romulus Comulus the benefit of the doubt for as long as possible when watching.
Unfortunately, He’s Just Not That Into You is inarguably terrible.
It doesn’t lack star power - it just lacks everything else. Jennifer Aniston, Drew Barrymore, Ben Affleck, Bradley Cooper and more unite in aimless meandering through one-dimensional romances between half-dimensional characters.
What annoys me about these films is the constant statements of supposed fact that almost all the characters make about relationships. Take this exchange between Justin Long’s Alex and his co-worker:
Kelli Ann: This is amazing. You can't focus. Right? Jumping every time your phone rings. Checking your e-mail a hundred times a day. Wishing you could write songs.
Alex: [laughs]
Kelli Ann: No. Feeling the need to bring up her name in random conversations. It's always the same and it has happened to you, my friend.
Alex: Shit.
Is that true?
Do all of those things happen when you like someone?
With enough frequency that it can be remarked upon by someone else?
Who experienced the exact same thing?!
I don’t think so. Or maybe I’m just an unfeeling robot machine who is incapable of noticing subtle human behaviour (this is highly possible).
ABOVE: Yes, Scarlett Johansson is in this too. The real question is, who had the biggest trailer?
The cast, while star-studded, all phone it in. The one exception is Ginnifer Goodwin, who brings a manic energy to her relentless pursuit of the perfect man that is genuinely infectious.
Her manic energy is infectious, I mean. Not the pursuit of the perfect man.
Avoid this one if you can help it.
Look out for: Umpteen examples of beautiful people with cool jobs. In this instance: record label mogul, copywriters, bar owner, and more. Also, note how spectacularly unnecessary Barrymore’s character is to the film.
If you liked this: Cleanse your pallet with the original “men and women can’t be friends” take in When Harry Met Sally. For something more on the serious side, Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep are sublime in the 1979 film about a couple going through divorce, Kramer vs. Kramer.
Rating: ⭐⭐
🏡 Welcome to the neighbourhood.
Little Fires Everywhere (2020), series, developed by Liz Tigelaar.
Watching Little Fires Everywhere took on an added significance recently, with the global anti-racism protests sparked by the murder of George Floyd.
As a white man, I benefit from my privilege, knowingly and unknowingly, every single day. The actions that I, and all of us that have this privilege, take from this point forward that will determine whether we’re making the positive changes that are so necessary.
Race is at the core of Little Fires…, led by two powerhouse performers in Reese Witherspoon and Kerry Washington. Set in the Ohio town of Shaker in the 1990s, we follow Witherspoon’s white mom character Elena, and the complicated relationship she develops with new town resident Mia (played by Washington) and her daughter Pearl.
Race greatly informs the other major theme in the series: motherhood. Elena and Mia have two contrasting styles to being a mother, shaped by their very contrasting lives. We’re regularly shown montages of Elena interacting with her picture-perfect family, while Mia struggles to make ends meet as an artist and single mother.
ABOVE: Huang Lu as Bebe Chow drives a crucial element to the story. This scene will have your heart in your mouth.
The narrative is driven as much by the children in the series as it is by the two leads. Megan Stott has the most to do as Elena’s more “difficult” (i.e. non-conforming) child Izzy, and Lexi Underwood (sure to be a megastar in the future) gives a delicate performance as Pearl.
Deftly touching on further themes of identity, sexual orientation, adoption and teenage pregnancy, Little Fires Everywhere is a thrilling, twisty drama, and a powerful viewing experience.
Look out for: Moving covers of 90s pop songs that play over climactic scenes in several episodes, including this excellent cover of Phil Collins’ In the Air Tonight by Judith Hall. We also hear Tubthumping by Chumbawumba at one point, but that masterpiece is left untouched.
If you liked this: This comes from Reese Witherspoon’s production company Hello Sunshine, which has also produced Big Little Lies (I’ve heard to be very good) and The Morning Show (I’ve seen to be very OK). If you’re Irish and you’re white, read this article.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
⏩ Quickies
Short and snappy reviews for a short and snappy time:
Super Size Me (2004, film, dir. Morgan Spurlock): ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Not to put any further criticism on the country (or to make what may be a massive generalisation) but holy cow the Americans like fast food. I lived there for a year and I don’t even recognise half the chains seen in this film. What the heck is Jack in the Box and who the goddamn hell is Arby?
ABOVE (Supersize Me): As a child, it was my dream to have a McDonald’s in my house like in Richie Rich. As an adult, this is still my dream.
Space Force (2020, series, cre. Greg Daniels & Steve Carrell): ⭐
Oh, no. Poor Steve Carell, such a likeable and funny man. This show is the opposite to likeable and funny. This is the opposite to Steve Carell… starring Steve Carell? My god… It’s a paradox! Get me the President on line 1! And somebody get me one of whatever it is they make at Arby’s!
ABOVE (Space Force): Michael Scott and Phoebe Buffay. Think of the damage their child would do to the world.
This Is 40 (2012, film, dir. Judd Apatow): ⭐⭐⭐
Why is this film over 2 hours long? That makes no sense. If it was shorter by even 20 minutes it might have gone up a rating - this is a good film that seems to get a lot of stick. It is very Judd Apatow though, so if you’re not into improvised dialogue and low-brow humour, steer clear.
📃 Quote of the Week(s)
“If you were stranded on a deserted island or if we get bombed with anthrax, and that's the only food available, that's the only time you should eat fast food.”
A nutritionist in Supersize Me, when asked how fast food fits into a healthy diet. I watched this while eating Ben & Jerry’s, yolo.
📅 Previously, in pop culture…
Landmark events from the last two weeks in film and TV histoire:
May 31 - Former Twilight star Robert Pattinson is announced as the new Batman in 2019.
Jun 2 - Greatest show of all time The Wire debuts on HBO in 2002.
ABOVE (The Wire): Hearing Idris Elba talk with an English accent after watching The Wire is like seeing Santa smoking a cigarette. Who are you and what have you done with Stringer Bell?!
Jun 7 - Sir Christopher Lee, English actor, known for his roles in Dracula, The Lord of the Rings and Star Wars, dies in 2015 at age 93.
Jun 10 - Not the greatest show of all time The Sopranos has its series finale on HBO in 2007 with the infamous “cut to black” ending.
✅ Th-th-that’s all, folks.
Thank you very much for reading!
Last time, to commemorate the 10th edition of The Reel, I promised that anyone who got someone to sign up to this blog would feature this week, in rhyme.
Well it’s rhyme time, baby:
🇮🇪 I once knew a man named Cónall O’Neill,
Who bought his muscles off a guy on DoneDeal.
A proud Gaeilgeoir and a GAA player too
(sometimes forgets to wipe after the loo).
📞 When I think of “gaff” I think not of a house,
But of this young fellow with the brace-less mouth,
A quicker mind than a horse on speed
Call Ciaran Gaffney for your prank-calling needs!
🏰 With a name like this you’d expect a palace,
But she shares a flat with some guy named Alex.
I hear he’s really cool and great -
Molly Buckingham, care to elaborate?
👑 Grainne Denihan lives in Dublin town,
And upon her head lies the Meme Queen crown.
Whether it’s GIFs, tweets, or TikToks you seek,
Give this fine instagram a peek.
♟️ Chess, maths and music, they’re a bit of him,
Last name Wyse, first name Tim,
With this final line, my leave I take,
Adieu to all, and to Tim, checkmate! 😵
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Thanks again, and I’ll see you in two weeks!
xxx
Previous Reels:
🎬 May 27 - The Last Dance, Extra Ordinary, The Martian.
🎬 May 13 - Normal People, After Life, Jurassic World, I, Tonya.