Estimated reading time: 6m 9s.
Remember when this blog was bi-weekly? I don’t!
Social media, for all its evils, has one uniquely powerful feature: the ability to directly contact any celebrity in the world.
This is not a feature I’ve ever made use of, until the penultimate episode of Euphoria’s dazzling second season (review to come in future blog).
Since childhood I’ve fallen in love with many characters on screen: Famke Janssen’s Jean Grey in X-Men, Hermione Granger in Goblet of Fire (I know you feel me on that one fellas), Lady Kluck in Disney’s Robin Hood.
This wasn’t restricted to celluloid: when I was 10 I put the name “Arya” into one of those “name compatibility generators” to see if myself and a female elf from the epic fantasy book Eragon had a future.
However, never have I acted on these impulses until the advent of Lexi Howard on my screen, played by the hilarious Maude Apatow. As the great Chris Martin once sang: “If you never try, then you’ll never know.” So I tried:
As the message has still not been seen, I also think we know.
Time for some reviews!
This week: Dark knights, medieval slights, long tights, and a pig.
🦇 Why so serious?
The Batman (2022), film, directed by Matt Reeves.
Ahead of this film’s release, director Matt Reeves spoke about portraying Bruce Wayne as a “recluse rock star” and being influenced by Kurt Cobain. Whatever about Brucie: The Batman’s style-over-substance approach makes the whole film feel like one long music video.
One very, very long music video.
At 176 minutes (‼️) The Batman is the third-longest superhero film ever made (after Zack Snyder's Justice League and Avengers: Endgame).
There is simply no need? There is just simply no need. Not only was this unnecessary, it was detrimental to the viewing experience. You could have shaved off an hour and had a much better film.
Imagine what you, reader, could have done with that extra hour! Watched half of another film, or perused your phone, or read someone else’s film blog, that’s probably what you’d do isn’t it, well go on whose is it no I want to know is it better than mine no be hones-
Zoe Kravitz is the best Catwoman we’ve seen on screen, and Colin Farrell is an entertaining distraction. However, while a visual triumph, one gets the sense that Reeves and co put more into the creation of atmosphere, a pretty backdrop and gloomy disposition than a cohesive narrative.
The disappointing, confusing story and the aforementioned length prevent this from ranking in the top-tier of Batman content.
Look out for:
Relatively light on Easter eggs, the eagle-eyed DC fan may have noticed a reference to Thomas Elliott, best known as the villain Hush from the comics. The eagle-eared viewer may have noticed that Michael Giacchino’s new Batman theme is played about 69 times throughout the film — will it become a classic? Time will tell.
If you liked this:
This iteration from the Riddler takes obvious inspiration from the infamous cinematic serial killers in Se7en and Zodiac, but the Pattinson’s voiceover and noir-ish take recall the equally infamous first cut of Blade Runner, complete with Harrison Ford’s INFAMOUSLY detested voiceover.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
⚔️ The men doth protest too little, methinks.
The Green Knight (2021), film, directed by David Lowery.
The Last Duel (2021), film, directed by Ridley Scott.
Speaking of style over substance, medieval films The Green Knight and The Last Duel take very different approaches to dealing with their respective subject matter.
The Green Knight is, to put it mildly, abstract.
This reviewer is neither clever nor committed enough to understand movies that are too abstract. I recently watched Mulholland Drive for the first time, an experience that left me as confused as it did seething with rage.
(But what does it mean?! Like what does it actually, literally mean.)
While not as mind-melty as that Lynch “masterpiece”, The Green Knight is a trippy and mesmerising adaptation of one of the most famous Arthurian legends.
On the other side of the spectrum is The Last Duel, which is gruelling in its realism. It pulls no punches: fight scenes are bloody, fields are mucky, and dental hygiene is lacking.
(Sounds like Oxegen 2011! I got sick at Two Door Cinema Club and had to be brought home.)
In three acts, The Last Duel is based on the real-life duel between two knights in 14th century France. Jacques Le Gris is accused of raping Jean de Carrouges’ wife, Lady Marguerite; each act of the film looks at the story from one of the three character’s perspectives.
If you’re expecting a straightforward medieval romp like Ivanhoe or Ridley Scott’s Robin Hood, this will be a shock. The Last Duel is unflinching in its ire of the customs of the time, and painfully accurate with its all-too-apparent #MeToo parallels.
Difficult to watch for many reasons, Lady Marguerite’s gut-wrenching, heartbreaking final act has stayed with me since watching. Brutal but brilliant.
Look out for:
Barry Keoghan’s star is certainly rising: he featured in both The Green Knight and The Batman. However, it’s Jodie Comer as Marguerite whose performance is the pick of the lot. A polar opposite character to her titular assassin in Killing Eve, this is masterful, devastating acting.
If you liked this:
The Last Duel’s multi-angled approach has drawn favourable comparisons to Rashomon, but the “he said, she said” and desperate truth-twisting reminded me so much of Anna Burns’ 2017 novel Milkman. An excellent if difficult book — again much like The Last Duel.
Ratings: The Green Knight ⭐⭐⭐⭐, The Last Duel ⭐⭐⭐⭐
⏩ Quickies
Short and snappy reviews for a short and snappy time:
Pig (2021, film, dir. Michael Sarnoski): ⭐⭐
Overly introspective, melancholic and self-indulgent. But enough about me after a few vinos! Haha. The latest in a recent line of Nicholas Cage character pieces, this “revenge” tale is a dish best served not at all. Check out 2017’s Mandy (reviewed back in the second edition of The Reel) for bonkers Cage at his best.
Eternals (2021, film, dir. Chloé Zhao): ⭐⭐⭐
Oh would you look at that? It’s Barry Keoghan again! As refreshing as it is to hear a Dublin accent in a superhero film, Keoghan is one of many stiff performances in this ultimately generic cosmic flick. Some lovely visuals and trademark Marvel humour make it worth it.
The Graduate (1967, film, dir. Mike Nichols): ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Very funny, at times moving, and remarkably discerning for a film made in 1967. However, I don’t quite see The Graduate deserving the hallmark, GOAT status that it has, if nothing else because Dustin Hoffman’s Benjamin is an absolute twat.
📃 Quote of the Week(s)
Marguerite de Carrouges: “I am telling the truth.”
Nicole de Carrouges: “The truth does not matter.”
In The Last Duel, Harriet Walter plays Nicole de Carrouges as the world’s worst mother-in-law, until this pivotal exchange. Highly recommended viewing.
✅ Th-th-that’s all, folks.
Thank you very much for reading!
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Thank you very much again, and see you next time!
Gogzibear
xxx
📅 Previous Reels:
🎬 Jan 19 - Don’t Look Up, The Matrix Resurrections, Tick, Tick… Boom.
🎬 Nov 5 - Dune, Ted Lasso, This Way Up, 28 Days Later, The Guilty.
🎬 Oct 13 - No Time to Die, The Many Saints of Newark, Stath Lets Flats.
📒 Catalogue:
You can find a list of all film review scores (and opening movie lines!) here.
🎙️ Podcast:
I’ve also published 10 episodes of a film review podcast Movies (And A Rap) — you can listen on Spotify here.