🎬 "Everyone is born. But not everyone is born the same."
Matilda (1996). Welcome to the 35th edition of The Reel!
Estimated reading time: 7m 25s.
Did you know that Nicholas Cage was once cast to play Superman?
It was for a Tim Burton-directed reboot of the character in 1996, titled Superman Lives. Cage reminds me of Superman about as much as cryptocurrency reminds me of bears i.e. not at all. Thankfully, the film was cancelled.
James Gunn (of Guardians of the Galaxy and The Suicide Squad fame and current overlord of the DC cinematic universe) was recently announced as director of the next appearance of Superman on the big screen: Superman: Legacy.
Could it be time for Nick to make a highly unlikely comeback as Big Blue?
Well, apparently anyone can play Superman.
They could go in an equally strange, younger direction like Frankie Muniz?
What about venturing into the realm of Irish politics?
Or could they possible go in the most unorthodox and yet smartest direction of all, and cast a complete unknown with no acting experience but who MIGHT just be the next big thing?
If you don’t hear from The Reel ever again, it’s because I’ve finally made it big.
Time for some reviews!
This week: Grudges, grime, gratitude, and more Nic Cage.
🥩 I’m a vegetarian (& I am very scared of him).
Beef (2023), series, created by Lee Sung Jin.
It’s wild to me that most television series in the 90s and 00s used to be at least 22 episodes long.
22!
Per season!
The West Wing, Prison Break, Lost all were 22 or more (24 was, erm, 24). HBO was an early adopter of the current less-is-more approach, with The Sopranos and The Wire both 12-13 episodes per season.
I say this with relief because 1) ain’t nobody got time for that.
And 2) there is no way I could have handled more than 10 episodes of Netflix’s Beef.
Not because it’s bad. Quite the opposite: it’s an intense, often unsettling escalation of tension that manages to just about sustain itself for 10 episodes.
Beef is an uncommonly engaging Netflix series about two people involved in an incident of road rage, and the increasingly desperate ways in which they try to take revenge on one other.
It’s not a groundbreaking tale, but it is expertly plotted, tightly scripted and tautly acted. Comedian Ali Wong and indie darling Steven Yeun perfectly portray the dark id within us all, and are well matched on screen (is there such a thing as anger chemistry?).
The stakes reach a somewhat ridiculous level by the denouement, but this is one meaty show that really mooo-ved me. 😜
(🥩)
Look out for:
This was actually produced by A24 — any suspicions that Beef is a by-the-numbers Netflix production are dispelled by the (almost comically) arthouse opening cards and episode titles. "I Am a Cage" followed by “The Drama of Original Choice?” Eye roll.
If you liked this:
I remember being on holiday once as a child and we had three DVDs we watched on repeat: School of Rock, Shrek 2, and revenge thriller Changing Lanes, starring Ben Affleck and Samuel L. Jackson. 🤔 The plot is very similar to Beef (though, as is always the case, you’d be better off watching School is Rock).
Ratings: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
👩🏽❤️💋👨🏽 “Are you from Landan?!”
Rye Lane (2023), film, directed by Raine Allen Miller.
Where did all the rom-coms go?!
There was a time in the early 2010s when it seemed that every second film released was a good old-fashioned Romulus Comulus™️.
Remember when two “friends with benefits” films were released within months of each other, using the same font & colour scheme, and were even the exact same length?!
Thankfully, Rye Lane is dragging cinema (or British cinema, at least) back into the glory days.
Reserved, romantic Dom has just been dumped by his girlfriend, when he bumps into the vivacious, spontaneous Yas at a friend’s art gallery (🚨MEET-CUTE ALERT🚨).
What follows is a harmlessly enjoyable, will-they-won’t-they journey through the wonderful area of London that is Peckham. Rye Lane is:
charming ✅
inventively shot ✅
not overly long ✅
All things to be majorly appreciated these days.
You probably won’t be belly laughing, but you’ll pass a better time with Rye Lane than some of the three-hour dramatic behemoths currently clogging up our billboards.
Look out for:
As pleasant as their day is, the logistics of Dom & Yas’ joyous jaunt are somewhat implausible. Walking from Peckham to Brixton?? Maybe if you’ve got all day! Haha.
(I don’t know where Brixton is.)
(I thought it was on the coast.)
(If Google Maps start charging for daily usage then I am going to have to move back to Dublin.)
If you liked this:
This generation’s answer to Notting Hill? Comparisons in the media have been numerous but time will tell whether it has the enduring quality of that 90s classic.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
🐜 Keep away from humans.
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania (2023), film, directed by Peyton Reed.
Ant-man and the Wasp: Quantumania is the worst film I can remember seeing in cinemas for a long, long time.
When will we learn?
Marvel have been phoning it in since Infinity War; quality movies are now the exception, not the rule.
Despite this, I’ve seen the last Thor, Doctor Strange and Ant-Man in the cinema.
Buyer beware!
Fool on me!
I’m a stupid little boy who knows nothing about anything!
This film is laughable. Terrible CGI, incomprehensible world-building, DESPERATELY unfunny. Some of the jokes sound like they were written by children who are deliberately making no sense, in the way that annoying children do.
I solemnly swear to you, readers of The Reel, that I will never see a Marvel film in cinemas again.
Until they inevitably bait the comic book fan in me with their next trailer… and the cycle begins anew.
Look out for:
Look out for your EYES, because they will be permanently DAMAGED by how BAD this film is! It genuinely, visually, looks terrible. We’re supposed to be in this magical, microscopic fantasy world — why are all of the creatures either A) humans with eye shadow, or B) just actual rectangles? Like just the shape, but they can talk? How is that creative?
If you liked this:
It takes all sorts, as they say, so perhaps you, reader, may have watched and enjoyed this. If so, more power to you! But please never come near me or my family ever again.
Rating: ⭐
⏩ Quickies
Short and snappy reviews for a short and snappy time:
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2023, film, dir. Joel Crawford): ⭐⭐⭐
The hype train was real with this one: “the best film in the Shrek franchise,” I read on one billboard. 😱 That is not the case, but it’s a heartwarming tale with an admirable message: be grateful for what you have. And if the character is a wolf, it’s evil! Run away.
The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022, film, dir. Tom Gormican): ⭐⭐⭐
Who could play Nick Cage better than Nick Cage? This is the Unhinged Master at his most unhinged, playing both a fictionalised version of himself and an imaginary Nick Cage that is a figment of fictionalised Nick’s imagination. Extra marks for co-starring Queen Sharon Horgan (c’mon Ireland!).
All Quiet on the Western Front (2022, film, dir. Edward Berger): ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Jiminy jillickers, lieutenant! Not for the faint of heart. This latest adaptation of the classic German novel is a boots-on-the-ground approach to WW1 from the POV of a very young cohort of German soldiers. Harrowing, heartbreaking, and superior to the similar 1917.
📃 Quote of the Week(s)
“I guess when you think about it, the ground is the original chair.”
Much of Beef is a satire of art — this quote comes from George during one standout scene involving a “chair gallery.”
✅ Th-th-that’s all, folks.
Thank you very much for reading! ❤️
If you haven’t already, I would love for you to consider subscribing, which you can do by clicking this button:
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Thank you v much again, and see you next time!
Gogzibear
xxx
📅 Previous Reels:
🎬 Feb 15 - Aftersun, Blue Jean, Tár, Glass Onion, Midsommar.
🎬 Nov 16 - The Banshees of Inisherin, Triangle of Sadness, Decision to Leave.
🎬 Jul 27 - Thor: Love & Thunder, Everything Everywhere…, An Cailín Ciúin.
📒 Catalogue:
You can find a list of all film review scores (and opening movie lines!) here.
🎙️ Podcast:
I’ve also published 10 episodes of a film review podcast Movies (And A Rap) — you can listen on Spotify here.