I had the craziest dream last night.
I was dancing the White Swan. Welcome to the 12th edition of The Reel!
Estimated reading time: 6 mins 52 seconds.
It was recently reported that Michael Keaton is in talks to reprise his role as Batman in a future DC film, a role he first played in 1989’s Batman.
Keaton’s was the first serious portrayal of the character in blockbuster cinema, after the “wham-pow!” version made famous by Adam West in the 1960s TV show.
ABOVE: “Hand me your wallet and your phone, nice and slow. Do this right and no one gets hurt. And your watch. I’m Batman.”
I know what you’re thinking.
“Monsieur Le Reel, please rate every actor to have played Batman since 1989!”
“We cannot go on until you impart your sacred opinion!”
“You’re the man, Mr. Reel!”
Why thank you. And if you insist!
🦇 Michael Keaton: They said it couldn’t be done, they said Beetlejuice can’t do Batman. And then he did. Extremely well. 8/10.
🦇 Val Kilmer: The least memorable Dark Knight, and also the only blonde Bruce Wayne. Unlike Daniel Craig’s Bond, this didn’t work out. 5/10.
🦇 George Clooney: Infamous for the inclusion of the “Bat-credit card” and of course the “Bat-nipples”. Didn’t mind the nipples, wasn’t a fan of Clooney. 3/10.
ABOVE: Why stop at Bat-nipples? Why not Bat-teeth, or Bat-fingernails, or Bat-peni no OK that’s too far.
🦇 Christian Bale: The gruffest, growliest Batman to date, made even better by Michael Caine’s Alfred. 8/10.
🦇 Ben Affleck: Literally murders people with wild abandon which is very much not the way of the Bat, but still good. Also gave us the best meme of 2016, as seen below. 7/10.
🦇 Robert Pattinson: Twilight turns black tights. Will he put on the muscle necessary to strike fear into criminals? What colour will his hair be? TBC.
Agree?
Disagree?
Considering becoming a real-life Batman and need a geeky sidekick/skinny butler to provide weak witticisms and cucumber sandwiches?
I know just the guy. 😏
Time for some reviews!
This week: Scaling new heights, flying at new lows, and a very large man in a very large building.
🗻 It’s a long way to the top.
Everest (2015), film, directed by Baltasar Kormákur.
There are some films so uncomfortable to watch that you wonder afterwards if you even enjoyed them at all.
Brazilian classic City of God was one of those for me, as was, strangely, Boogie Nights. And every horror film ever (I have a deep distrust of anyone who says horror is their favourite genre, what happened to you to make you this way).
ABOVE: Jake Gyllenhall wishing he took that romcom role instead of shooting for 3 months on a mountain.
Everest is not exactly on that scale, but it is far from an easy ride. Based on the true story of the 1996 Mount Everest disaster, it follows two commercial expeditions that set out to climb Everest, with (spoiler alert) bad things happening along the way.
The cast is impressive for a disaster/survival film, shot on location in one of the toughest places on Earth. Jason Clarke (extremely underrated actor), Jake Gyllenhall and Josh Brolin are among those to make the trek, in what ultimately must be one of the best films of its kind.
ABOVE: I never knew ladders could be frightening until this very scene.
What sets it apart from a pseudo-Saw film on a mountain is its excellent setup of the characters and relationships that make up the expedition, and the motivations that drive the mad individuals who risk their lives in this way.
One particular phone call between Clarke’s Rob and his wife Jan (played by Keira Knightley) had me close to tears. And I didn’t cry at Marley & Me!
Definitely one to watch.
Look out for: The dichotomy between Rob and rival group leader Scott (played by Gyllenhall) is the most interesting wrinkle to the film: how they differ in their approach to leadership and climbing, but are bound together by their dangerous passion. Fantastic performances both.
If you liked this: Watch the world’s greatest climber Alex Honnold give his take on climbing in films in this “expert breaks down scenes” YouTube clip. I loved Vertical Limit as a child, but my namesake has some choice words to say about its realism. 😬
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
✈️ Up, up and away.
Top Gun (1986), film, directed by Tony Scott.
Top Gun occupies a preeminent place in popular culture, for reasons unknown to me. Having never seen it, I was still aware of the codenames Maverick and Goose, and of “Take My Breath Away” being a key song.
I finally sat down to watch for the first time, and found it to be a baffling film.
ABOVE: Thumbs up if you’re fanatical about a religion created by a science fiction writer to make money!
Tom Cruise stars as hotshot pilot Maverick, who’s fast-tracked to the peak of the US Air Force, a pilot academy called Top Gun.
What follows is more a two-hour montage than a film. We jump from airfighting scene to macho male bonding to steamy lovemaking back to airfighting, all while the cheesy 80s soundtrack swells to the point of explosion.
Seriously. “Take My Breath Away” is the dedicated power ballad, we get it. You don’t have to play it every 9 minutes.
ABOVE: Pre-Batman Val Kilmer. Maybe if they dyed his hair it could have worked. Or if he was a better actor. 😱
For once in a movie, Cruise isn’t likeable, as a constantly smiling, somewhat deranged character with a forced charm that borders on sociopathic.
Perhaps not the most difficult role for him to play.
This is a boy’s club film for boy’s club members, but will probably thrill you if you value popcorn and pecs over pathos and plot.
P.S. What is a boy’s club and how do I join one?
Look out for: The volleyball scene, where Maverick and his buddy Goose do this weird high-five roughly 6-8 times (with a throbbing 80s song in the background, naturally). Meg Ryan makes one of her first film appearances, bringing some sorely needed emotion.
If you liked this: As far as aerial dogfights go, Tom Hardy’s scenes in Dunkirk are the best in recent memory. For hotshot Tom Cruise but with cars, there’s Days of Thunder, but it’s no huge improvement on its aviatic counterpart.
Rating: ⭐⭐
⏩ Quickies
Short and snappy reviews for a short and snappy time:
100 Humans (2020, series, Netflix): ⭐⭐
Should be called 100 Variables: How Not to Create A Valid Experiment. This statistician’s nightmare takes 100 random people and puts them through a series of situational challenges to draw some dubious, arbitrary conclusions about human behaviour. Occasionally funny.
ABOVE (100 Humans): “How do we make the hosts seem credible as data analysts?” “Umm... Put them in lab coats?” “Genius!”
Star Trek (2009, film, dir. J.J. Abrams): ⭐⭐⭐
Star Wars or Star Trek? The age-old question. The recent Star Wars films have put a dent in my love for the franchise, and this reboot to Chewbacca’s biggest rivals was good enough to make me consider switching allegiances. Then I remembered Baby Yoda. George Lucas all the way, baby.
ABOVE (Star Trek): Torn between these two looks for my first visit to the barber when they reopen.
Skyscraper (2018, film, dir. Rawson Marshall Thurber): ⭐⭐
Similarities between Skyscraper and Die Hard: they’re both set in tall buildings, they both have an action star battling alone against impossible odds, and they both have an accented European villain performing a heist. Differences: Die Hard is good.
ABOVE (Skyscraper): What do you get when you drop Dwayne Johnson onto a skyscraper? A hole in the roof! (He’s “the Rock” get it? No but like do you get it he’s both the Rock and a rock, like an actual rock, no lik-)
📃 Quote of the Week(s)
We don't need competition between people. There is competition between every person and this mountain. The last word always belongs to the mountain.
Minor character Anatoli Boukreev in Everest, chillingly enabling our realisation that the mountain is the ultimate, near-sentient opponent of the climbers.
📅 Previously, in pop culture…
Landmark events from the last two weeks in film and TV histoire:
Jun 12 - Toy Story 3 premieres in Italy in 2010, and swiftly becomes the 1st animated film to earn $1 billion.
Jun 15 - The world's first moving pictures are caught on camera in 1878, using 12 cameras taking 1 picture each.
ABOVE (The Horse in Motion): The primitive predecessor to modern film. Still better than Michael Bay.
Jun 20 - British actor Daniel Day-Lewis announces his retirement from acting in 2017. No more milkshakes.
Jun 24 - In 1916, Mary Pickford becomes the first female film star to get a million-dollar contract.
✅ Th-th-that’s all, folks.
Thank you very much for reading!
Did you think there were too many action films this week?
Do you have an obscure favourite or loathed blockbuster that you think I might enjoy, or hate?
Do you have exclusive knowledge of a secret buried treasure located somewhere in D6?
Please let me know!
Thanks to Jack “I’m physically more imposing than Jesus” Fingleton for Top Gun this week.
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Thanks again, and I’ll see you in two weeks!
xxx
Previous Reels:
🎬 June 10 - He’s Just Not That Into You, Little Fires Everywhere.
🎬 May 27 - The Last Dance, Extra Ordinary, The Martian.
🎬 May 13 - Normal People, After Life, Jurassic World, I, Tonya.