🎬 It's The Reel: Halloween Edition! 🎃
Heeeere's Johnny. Welcome to the 18th edition of The Reel!
Estimated reading time: 6m 25s.
Happy Halloweeen!
Routinely the holiday with the biggest promise, and the smallest return.
Each year of my youth, I would salivate with excitement at the prospect. A night out with the sole purpose of getting sweets, while in fantastical costume, in a spooky and magical setting!
In reality, it’s walking around in the freezing cold getting mandarins from strangers while wearing a bin bag.
ABOVE: Got a few weird looks from my girlfriend when she saw me googling “children wearing costumes” for this pic.
As I got older, Halloween still had promise. The parties! The fireworks! The (girls’) costumes!
Inevitably, every year ended up the same: sweating off your cheap face paint at a club event you paid €40 for because it had a vague Halloween theme.
ABOVE: “Nightmare on Pyg Street!” “Halloween @ Lillie’s BOOdello!” “Coppers Makes You sCREAM!”
Now, October 31st is nothing more than the unfortunate knowledge that someone, somewhere, is setting a cat on fire.
This year, I decided to watch the only genre I avoid (unless there is such a thing as a country music film) which is horror.
How did I get on? Let’s find out.
Time for some reviews!
This week: Chills, thrills and some frightfully dreadful kills.
😱 Shout, shout, let it all out.
Scream (1996), film, directed by Wes Craven.
Call me old-fashioned, but nothing is scarier than something that could actually happen.
Like a home invasion.
Or serial killers.
Or a xenophobic septuagenarian being re-elected to power (zing! The Reel gets political!).
Scream reenergised the slasher genre. It was a smash hit, with parody and self-pisstakery as central to the film as the, er, slashing.
ABOVE: Scream, alongside the scariest film poster of all time. Or, one Tesco shopper’s reaction to an unorthodox face covering.
The town in Scream is small (when are they not?), the high schoolers are beautiful (when are they not?), and the murders are plentiful (hello?). David Arquette and Courtney Cox star as a hapless cop and plucky reporter, investigating a masked murderer on the loose.
Original this ain’t, but then that’s the idea. The genre-spoofing begins from the first scene, when Drew Barrymore gets an anonymous phone call from a raspy voice asking her the now iconic question:
“What’s your favourite scary movie?”
ABOVE: Genuinely me last weekend when Deliveroo called and said my order didn’t go through.
What follows is an enjoyable vehicle that accomplishes both horror and humour with aplomb. It doesn’t pull punches with gore, and has several laugh-out-loud lines.
The film’s best moments come from the dialogue between the excellent cast of “teenaged” (mid-20s) characters, and Cox’s feisty reporter Gail.
ABOVE: Cox plays against type as, well, a bitch. Still insanely out of Chandler’s league.
Scream is ultimately more derivative than it is subversive, but it’s a horror classic for a reason.
Look out for: Of the high school cast, Matthew Lillard more than steals the show as the rangy, goofy Stu. Lillard, of course, went on to star as another horror icon: Shaggy in Scooby-Doo. Oh, and Scooby-Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed. And the voice of Shaggy in Scooby-Doo! Moon Monster Madness. And Scooby-Doo! Camp Scare. And… you get the picture.
If you liked this: As “realistic” horror films go, Eden Lake is entirely feasible, and terrifying. The best slasher film this reviewer has seen is 2011’s You’re Next - the most satisfying “Final Girl fights back” tale you'll experience this Halloween.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
🐁 I’ve been sitting, waiting, witching.
The Witches (2020), film, directed by Robert Zemeckis.
“Horror” might be a stretch for this particular film, being that it is clearly aimed at kids.
Child horror? That must be a thing?
Like Goosebumps, the sadistic book series that instilled fear into children. If I was a teacher and a student of mine was reading Goosebumps, I’d escort them from the premises and alert the authorities.
ABOVE: R.L. Stine’s actual job is giving children nightmares. What a dickhead.
Just in time for Halloween, The Witches is an adaptation of Roald Dahl’s scary childhood classic novel, and a remake of the scarier 1990 film starring Angelica Huston.
It’s been released on HBO Max, yet another new streaming service. There are so many now that I’m half tempted to pack them all in and go back to TV.
However, terrestrial TV hasn’t been good since the The Simpsons double bill at 7pm on Sky One, so it’s streaming all the way.
ABOVE: Taken out of context, Octavia Spencer’s facial expression here is completely fair enough.
With Everybody Hates Chris vibes, Chris Rock narrates the tale of his child self’s run-in with the eponymous harridans, and their Cruella de Vil/Joker-esque leader, played by Anne Hathaway.
Despite its big-budget status, the CGI can be worryingly poor. Hathaway’s vaguely Scandi accent is much like the special effects — adequate at the best of times, genuinely laughable at worst. But she certainly chomps at the scenery, and she can be scary.
ABOVE: POV: Your first shift at Wezz.
Octavia Spencer’s Black Grandma Dumbledore™ is as endearing and powerful as you’d expect, and the world building is on point.
Not as scary as the original, which may be a good thing. A harmless and exciting affair.
Look out for: The world and atmosphere are built wonderfully well, in no small part due to the southern US setting and the beautiful, Grand Budapest-esque hotel in which the film is set. I wouldn’t mind a staycation there, I’ll tell you!!! Haha.
If you liked this: The scariest kiddie horror ever made is Scooby Doo on Zombie Island. Is it still as scary as it was when I was 7? I don’t know, I haven’t rewatched it. Because it’s too scary.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐
⏩ Quickies
Short and snappy reviews for a short and snappy time:
Let The Right One In (2008, film, dir. Tomas Alfredson): ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
I haven’t seen many Swedish horror-romance films centred on 12-year-old protagonists, but this might be the best one. In fact, this is probably the best horror film I’ve ever seen. A unique, haunting portrayal of loneliness, bullying and young love. Oh, and vampires.
ABOVE (Let The Right One In): The American remake was titled “Let Me In”. The words “right” and “left” are avoided over there.
Hubie Halloween (2020, film, dir. Steven Brill): ⭐⭐
After last year’s jaw-dropping Uncut Gems, Adam Sandler returns to the Billy Madison-style humour that made him a star with this spooky shambles. Unlike that 90s gem, Hubie Halloween is tired, boring and intensely stupid — and not in a good way. It will undoubtedly be the no. 1 watched film on Netflix this year.
ABOVE (Hubie Halloween): When this is your introduction to the hero, you know what kind of movie you’re in for.
The Invisible Man (2020, film, dir. Leigh Whannell): ⭐⭐⭐⭐
Originally slated to be a period horror piece with Johnny Depp, this movie pivoted entirely when the star dropped out. Instead, it focuses on the titular transparo-bro’s abused partner, played by queen of emotional distress Elisabeth Moss. Grounding the “monster” of this story as an abusive, unseen antagonist gaslighting his girlfriend is inspired, and chilling.
📃 Quote of the Week(s)
“No, please don't kill me, Mr. Ghostface, I wanna be in the sequel!”
One of many stand-out lines in the very quotable Scream, coming from Rose McGowan’s Tatum. So meta, man.
📅 Previously, in pop culture…
Landmark events from the last two weeks in film and TV histoire:
Oct 15 - Charlie Chaplin’s satiric social commentary film The Great Dictator is released in 1940.
Oct 19 - In 2018 the Halloween reboot makes a record $77m for a horror film with a female lead (Jamie Curtis). It’s the biggest US debut by a film with a female lead over 55. Random statistic, but there you go.
ABOVE (Halloween): If this happens to you, just give him a hug. Preternatural murderers are more afraid of you than you are of them.
Oct 19 - Singer Justin Timberlake (31) marries actress Jessica Biel (30) in Italy in 2012.
Oct 27 - In 2019 Wes Studi becomes the first Native American actor to receive an Oscar, winning an honorary award for career achievement.
✅ Th-th-that’s all, folks.
As always, thank you very much for reading.
At this most spooky time of year, may I give a very spooky welcome to the new subscribers to this blog. I hope you enjoyed it!
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Thanks again, and I’ll see you in two weeks!
xxx
Previous Reels:
🎬 Oct 14 - Peppermint, One Cut Of The Dead, Emily in Paris.
🎬 Sep 24 - Spies in Disguise, The Devil All The Time, Predestination.