🎬 "Welcome to Tokyo."

Lost in Translation (2003). Welcome to the 28th edition of The Reel!

Jan 19, 2022

Estimated reading time: 6m 22s.

An extremely bounteous and wonderful New Year from all of us (one person) at The Reel!

You may have entirely missed the Golden Globes taking place last week. You’d be forgiven for such, as the ceremony was not, in fact, televised.

But does the globe spin? Is it cartograhpically accurate? No? Then it is not truly a globe. Get out of my sight.

The year’s big winner was Netflix’s The Power of the Dog starring Benedict Cumberbatch, set in the Wild West.

Next year’s big winner? Amazon’s The Hair of the Dog starring Colin Farrell, set in a Spar deli.

We’ve a lot of films to catch up on — time for some reviews!

This week: Dissatisfying satire, insoluble sci-fi, unstoppable Spielberg, and poker.

☄️ Apocalypse Now Soon.

Don’t Look Up (2021), film, directed by Adam McKay.

Last time I saw a cast this impressive, my sister had broken her leg in eight places! 🤪

The blinding star wattage of Don’t Look Up elevated it to “event movie” status in the weeks preceding its release, but ultimately it disappoints.

The terror and self-disgust when you’re down to the last clue on Wordle.

Adam McKay’s intentions are admirable. A giant comet is heading towards Earth; enter scientists Leo DiCap and Jenny Laz, who must convince a sceptical and self-absorbed world to take action ahead of their impending doom.

Don’t Look Up is not particularly bad, but with the cast attached and the meaty concept, the fact that it is not particularly good is a failure in and of itself.

The funny thing is Meryl Streep could actually be president of the US. Jonah Hill could be, and already is, quite annoying.

Intertwined with the thinly-veiled climate change allegory are attempted satire at Big Tech, celebrity culture, and naturally enough, American politics & news media.

Maybe McKay should have attempted making a good film first. Bazinga!

Look out for:

McKay’s faux-artsy montage calling card (news clips/obscure stills/movie footage) seems like an attempt at Monty Python-esque cleverness. It didn’t work in The Big Short, it didn’t work in Vice, and it doesn’t work here.

If you liked this:

Watch this highly amusing story of Jonah Hill and J-Law calling Meryl Streep the GOAT… and then feel free to lament even further that these generational talents weren’t put to better use.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐

💊 Which pill makes you forget? Give it to me.

The Matrix Resurrections (2021), film, directed by Lana Wachowski.

Fool on me, for thinking this would be good!

Fool on me, for thinking this would be entertaining!

Fool on me, for thinking this would even be remotely watchable!

The Matrix Resurrections is even more of a disappointment than Don’t Look Up, and one of the worse films I’ve seen in the cinema in the last year.

Black Leather and Sunglasses: Resurrections.

Keanu Reeves is back as cinema’s most powerful introvert, Neo, but now lives life as a famous video game designer, Thomas Anderson. The fourth instalment of the Matrix franchise is such a departure for the series, it might almost be considered a spin-off.

More meta than Zuckerberg, more self-referential than Zlatan, it is a painful example of a franchise thinking they are being clever, when they really really aren’t.

“Hey, I think I’m here. Yeah, I’m outside the hotel and there’s like a million squiggly green lines everywhere. OK great, see you in a sec.”

Without spoiling it (in case some of you, against your better judgement, would actually like to watch this), several narrative decisions beggar belief, and are almost worth watching for the cringe.

Not a single redeeming quality.

Look out for:

A truly nauseating sequence where several in-movie characters discuss the merits of the original trilogy and why they were so loved. It’s like watching a suspicious teacher espousing the virtues of a particular student — inappropriate, uncomfortable, and potentially illegal.

If you liked this:

To paraphrase Roy Keane: “If you think this was a good movie… I’m doubtful of you anyway but you’re confirming you’re in cuckooland.”

Ratings: ⭐

👑 All hail Garfield and Zygler.

Tick Tick… Boom! (2021), film, directed by Lin-Manuel Miranda.
West Side Story (2021), film, directed by Steven Spielberg.

Ever heard of Jonathan Larson?

Me neither.

He’s best known for creating the stage musical Rent, which opened after his unfortunate death from undiagnosed heart problems. Andrew Garfield stars as Larson in Tick Tick… Boom!, a film musical based on his life, with songs from his titular, lesser-known musical.

Garfield is a triumph, deservedly winning plaudits from every corner and scooping up the GG (Golden Globe, will that catch on?) for Best Actor / Musical or Comedy. It’s not as moving or as inspiring as it could be, but it’s a competent piece.

Steven Spielberg, on the other hand, delivers a masterclass in musical cinema. The West Side Story reboot is buggin’ fantastic, led by a star-making turn as Maria by Garfield’s fellow GG winner, Rachel Zegler.

Bring back 1950s fashion! If only so that my own penchant for ill-fitting clothes and unkempt hair is more socially acceptable. Fades are getting out of hand these days.

Zegler was just 18 at the time of filming. Ariana DeBose as Anita is another superb talent whose profile will no doubt be elevated by an electrifying performance.

I must point out, for perhaps the fourth time in this blog, that I, too, once starred in a production of West Side Story. Granted, it was in the non-singing, non-dancing role of Lieutenant Schrank, and I was 22 at the time, and I have not acted since.

But I see a lot of parallels between myself and Zegler’s explosion onto the musical theatre scene.

“Well it sure is a close one Bill but for me, Orange Team win the contest for who can stick their necks out further! Unlucky Blue Team.”

2021’s West Side Story is beautiful to look at, and every bit as tragic and enthralling as the original.

Look out for:

The scene-stealing Anita from the 1961 film, Rita Moreno, returns in the minor role of Valentina, replacing the (fairly banal) character of Doc. Her rendition of “Somewhere” shows that she’s still got it 60 years later.

If you liked this:

Last year’s In The Heights has a lot of similarities to West Side Story: based in New York, identity and the immigrant experience to the fore, people in their 30s playing teenagers etc. Not as good, but a great watch and some crazy choreography.

Ratings: Tick, Tick… Boom! ⭐⭐⭐, West Side Story ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

⏩ Quickies

Short and snappy reviews for a short and snappy time:

Little Women (2019, film, dir. Greta Gerwig): ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Two five-star reviews in one edition! I’m a sucker for Saoirse Ronan, and while I’m not a period drama fan, Little Women is as good as (if not better than) previous Reel favourite Sense & Sensibility. And the women are so little! It’s really true!

Women who little together, stick together.

The Killing of a Sacred Deer (2017, film, dir. Yorgos Lanthimos): ⭐⭐⭐

Literally what the fuck is this?? Has anyone else seen this? Psychological horror, where the most disturbing thing is the extremely bizarre way every character speaks (not joking, watch it and see). Compelling, disturbing, completely batshit.

“I won’t say it again. White roll, mayo, spicy chicken, with lettuce and cheese.”

The Card Counter (2021, film, dir. Paul Schrader): ⭐⭐⭐⭐

Speaking of batshit, am I the only one who thinks that poker is incredibly, incredibly bad? Like, the whole thing. It is so bad and boring. Normalise poker being shit! And golf, while we’re at it! And make comic books cool!! They can’t stop us all!! (Good film though.)

“This is a card. There is one of them, so I have one card. That concludes the first lesson of Card Counting 101.”

Raising Arizona (1987, film, dir. Joel Coen): ⭐⭐⭐

The Coen brothers’ sophomore effort is more confused and chaotic than their later films, but it is undeniably charming. This is despite the fact that Nicholas Cage looks like a slightly sexier Cletus from The Simpsons. Or maybe because of that..?