🎬 "Now that's a big fella!"
Beetlejuice, 1988. Welcome to the 39th edition of The Reel!
Estimated reading time: 6m 24s.
The biggest news in Hollywood last week was the announcement that Robert Downey Jr is returning to the franchise that made him an icon (and that he made many billions of dollars).
Yes, RDJ is back at Marvel — playing the villain Doctor Doom.
Doom was long rumoured to be the next “big bad” in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, after Kang was shelved due to actor Jonathan Majors’ appalling real-life villainy.
Is this a stroke of genius from the always innovating House of Ideas?
Or a desperate last throw of the dice for a beleaguered franchise on its way out?
It smells of desperation.
(And money.)
If we’re going out on a limb with completely left-field gambles, might I draw the attention of Marvel to this little known, completely original IP from 2004 called Mutant Wars:
Little is known of the author, except that he is me and he is willing to sell the rights for the meager sum of eighty billion pounds.
This week: Hot girls, hotter boys, even hotter worlds, and vests.
🏜️ Ladiiies aaannnd gentleapes!
Furiosa: A Mad Max Saga (2024), film, directed by George Miller.
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes (2024), film, directed by Wes Ball.
I still remember the feeling of seeing Mad Max: Fury Road in the cinema in 2015. The opening 10 minutes were so adrenaline-fuelled, non-stop and chaotic that I felt physically anxious (in a good way).
Furiosa: A Mad Max Story isn’t as grip-your-armrest-till-your-knuckles-go-white as its predecessor (genuinely few films are).
But it is thrilling, and a visual treat. It’s a didn’t-feel-the-need-to-check-my-phone-until-about-two-hours-in kind of experience.
Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes is another step down in the excitement stakes from Furiosa but it has got ideas to burn.
Would you consider destroying another species if it meant saving your own?
Can two intelligent species co-habit the same space?
Why can’t we all just get along?!
The newest Planet of the Apes films might constitute the most underrated sci-fi franchise of all time. This is its weakest instalment, but boy oh boy is it a thinker, a bonafide head-scratcher.
Or ass-scratcher!
(Because apes..?)
Look out for:
Anya Taylor-Joy is having a moment, perhaps rivaled only by our boy Glen Powell (see below). She had a cameo in sci-fi behemoth Dune 2 and will be returning in the sequel. 🫢
If you liked this:
Please for the love of God will someone watch Rise of.., Dawn of.. and War for the Planet of the Apes so I can talk to someone other than my well-meaning but uninformed girlfriend about this gem of science fiction worldbuilding!
(As she scrolls on her phone: “That sound lovely, and what colour lightsabers do the apes have?”)
Ratings: Furiosa: A Mad Max Story ⭐⭐⭐⭐, Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes ⭐⭐⭐
🕶️ (What the S)Hit Man (?!)
Hit Man (2023), film, directed by Richard Linklater.
That Glen Powell is hot right now.
A cheeky standout in Top Gun: Maverick, he’s followed that up with rom-com Anyone But You alongside the similarly celebrated Sydney Sweeney, is currently in cinemas with the blockbusting Twisters, and he just starred in and co-wrote (???) this movie with director darling Richard Linklater.
The Hit Man is concerns an “average man” (who is inexplicably beautiful and jacked, immersion levels immediately on the fritz) who acts as a fake hitman for police, in a job that apparently exists. He falls in love with one of his targets, and chaos ensues.
Powell is reasonably charming and there’s comedy in his many disguises, but this is not a good movie.
It’s middlingly enjoyable until an absolutely INSANE ending.
A truly unhinged climax to a film.
It’s kind of like eating a banana and then at the end of the banana there is a small bag of raw meat, perfectly wrapped and hidden within the banana flesh.
Like, what? Why is there a bag of meat at the end of this banana?
That makes no sense? And also that is so weird and really unsettling.
Why did someone do that? And why did they do it to me?
That’s what this ending is.
Look out for:
The best part of the film is the montage of Mr. Powell’s wide array of wacky characters & costumes. If only there was a website where I could watch this, and not the rest of the film! Well, there is, and it rhymes with PooTube.
If you liked this:
This reminds me of one of those fake movies on Apple TV that always have big stars, but you never meet a single person who has watched them. There are dozens of these films, like whatever this is:
Or this:
Genuinely who is watching these?
Rating: ⭐⭐
🎾 Love? Deuce? Love Juice! (🤔)
Challengers (2024), film, directed by Luca Guadagnino.
Did someone say sexy boys playing sexy tennis?
Watched by a sexy woman?!
Sign me up, baby!!
Tennis as a sport is a little bit hilarious and a very bit camp. The fact that a film like this has not been made until now is in and of itself a shock.
What is there to say about Challengers that hasn’t already been said?
It’s silly, it’s fun, it’s sexy, it’s stylish, and it somehow* makes tennis (the most entertaining sport in The Reel’s humble opinion) even more enthralling.
(*by making two boys kiss, extremely clever move.)
Q: Is it an accurate depiction of the most famous of racket sports?
A: Probably not.
Q: Do most characters make highly questionable moral decisions?
A: Yes.
Q: Is it the best film I’ve seen this year?
A: Aside from Dune 2… Undoubtedly.
Look out for:
Moody soundtrack darlings Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross (of Nine Inch Nails/every David Fincher movie fame) score this sublimely. A pulsating techno beat maintains the tension in scenes on and off the court, and even provides moments of wry humour.
If you liked this:
Genuinely, no other tennis film compares. Granted, the peak of this vastly undermined resource in sporting film is 2004’s cringe-inducing Wimbledon, so perhaps that’s not saying a lot.
Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐
⏩ Quickies
Short and snappy reviews for a short and snappy time:
Inside Out 2 (2024, film, dir. Kelsey Mann): ⭐⭐⭐
The first Inside Out made me cry, and that’s OK! This one didn’t but it did make my aforementioned gf weep, so maybe I’m an emotionless husk! And that’s OK! But I know that’s not true, because I recently cried at War for the Planet of the Apes! And that’s OK! Get off my back!!!
Fly Me to the Moon (2024, film, dir. Greg Berlanti): ⭐⭐
The most memorable part of this film for me is that you can see Channing Tatum’s vest in every. Single. Outfit. That he wears. This is not a joke. It’s so consistently visible in every scene that it could only have been an active choice by the filmmakers. Why? And why not choose to make a good film instead?
In the Land of Saints and Sinners (2023, film, dir. Robert Lorenz): ⭐⭐
This unfortunately veers a lot closer to Irish Wish than it does In Bruges, despite the calibre of actors involved. Also a missed opportunity to have a character introduce themselves before shooting a bad guy with the line “Seán is ainm… GUN!” but what do I know.
📃 Quote of the Week(s)
Anxiety: “That's not gonna haunt us for the rest of our lives at all.”
In Inside Out 2 when lead character Riley makes finger guns with her hands in front of the popular girls. 👈 👉
Hard hard HARD relate in that I have actually done that (and sometimes still do).
✅ Th-th-that’s all, folks.
Thank you very much for reading! ❤️
If you enjoyed this edition, I would appreciate so much if you could share it. 🙏🏻
Thank you v much again, and see you next time!
Gogzibear
xxx
📅 Previous Reels:
🎬 Jan 24 - Rebel Moon, Anatomy of a Fall, The Boy and the Heron.
🎬 Dec 6 - Killers of the Flower Moon, Napoleon, Saltburn, Bottoms.
🎬 Sep 20 - Barbie, Oppenheimer, John Wick 4, Extraction 2, Top Boy.
📒 Catalogue:
You can find a list of all film review scores (and opening movie lines!) here.
🎙️ Podcast:
I’ve also published 10 episodes of a film review podcast Movies (And A Rap) — you can listen on Spotify here.